The Eastern Fat Tire association announced today a new road race series. Starting in May of 2019 EFTA will offer a new series that will take place on the paved roads of New England. The series is comprised of twelve races, two in each state across the region. Races courses are designed to be as easy as possible, with some of the 30-mile courses being all downhill. This new series is targeted to people who hate challenges, rocks, roots, and mud.
To simulate real road experience, EFTA will have a team of drivers on course texting and swerving. Drivers will occasionally yell obscenities and curse at racers. In the last 10 miles of the race cans and bottles will be hurled at riders. The last mile of the race will feature diesel trucks with massive 6” diameter smokestacks in the bed of the truck “rolling coal” in front of the lead-out sprinters.
All races will be affordably priced with a $95 entry fee, $40 for parking, and a required $220 yearly race license. Additional team tent and VIP parking will be available for those with 700+ credit score and approved financing. EFTA will require all race promoters to have at least five race officials at each race to eat donuts and scrutinize riders.
Any questions regarding the new series can be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org.